28 februari 2012

En sjuk liten piggelin

Som jag misstänkte igår så blev det en dag hemma för Lucas idag. Jag fick sluta tidigare från jobb idag så att jag kunde ta över när Thomas var tvungen att åka till sitt jobb.
Måste ju säga att det har varit en riktig liten piggelin som sprungit runt och busat här hemma, men dock med kraftig andning. Hade det inte varit för andningsbesvären så hade han kunnat gå på dagis, men lika bra att han är hemma i morgon också och förhoppningsvis kan ta det lite lugnt..., inte så lätt med den busen! =)

Samuel åker till pappa i morgon och stannar till fredag. Hoppas det går bra, fast det tror jag det gör förutom kanske lite för mycket sötsaker och för långa uppetider... hmmm...

Tänkte nämna att jag fortfarande surfar runt och läser mycket om EB, den genetiska sjukdomen som jag tidigare har pratat om. Jag använder min brosch flitigt och berättar gärna om någon frågar om den. Jag kom in på en sida innan där någon hade lagt upp en "dikt" som Courtney Roth (Tripps mamma, från bloggen EBing a Mommy) hade skrivit riktat till Gud ungefär ett halvår innan lille Tripp gick bort i sin fruktansvärda sjukdom...
Jag är ju tyvärr inte själv en direkt troende person, eller jag vill gärna tro att det finns något, men jag vet inte om Gud finns och om det är en person i sig eller hur det ligger till, men detta fina "tal" till Gud fick mig att känna något starkt och kraftfullt... Tror att det jag egentligen kände var en moders kärlek till sitt barn... Den största känslan och kärleken någonsin.

I'll need a Pinky Swear"
by Courtney Roth

As he lies in my lap
And together we sway
I rock him to sleep 
And meanwhile I pray:

"Dear God, I know you can see us
And you're watching from above
Filled with sadness for him, as we are,
And equally in love.

I've never once asked You "why?"
Nor questioned if You were near. 
But I do have one request tonight, 
I pray that you will hear. 

When it's time for You to call him home, 
And my hope turns into despair,
I will need more than a promise from You,
I'll need a pinky-swear...

That you will hold him close to Your chest,
And say "I love you" all day long.
That you will rock him 'til your knees get sore,
And sing his favorite songs.

Tell me that You'll keep him safe,
So I will not be distressed.
Tell me that he'll will get his wings
And tell me he'll be blessed.

Let me know he made it safely,
Without a single blister or bleed,
Let me know that you will do MY job,
To fulfill his every need.

I have to know that you will love him,
Just as much, or more, than I do.
And when he finally speaks a word,
That You'll record it so I can hear, too.

My buddy is going to need Your help,
With so much yet to learn.
Like using a spoon, writing his name,
And having to wait his turn. 

God, please be patient when he tries,
For he's such a sweet and loving boy.
Please give him every thing he wants,
But make sure he shares his toys.

These are things I'll miss out on,
Like no Mommy should have to do. 
So don't let one milestone go unnoticed,
Please, I'm begging You.

He likes Elmo's ducks, The Three little Pigs,
Shoo Fly and Counting to Four.
Big Green Tractor, Rise and Shine. 
And when they stop, he'll tell you "more."

He holds certain toys in certain hands, 
And says yes with a big smile.
Please spend some extra special time,
And talk with him awhile.  

It breaks my heart to have to think
That he won't graduate from school. 
Or go to prom, or have kids of his own,
Or even break a single rule.

Tell him for me- please don't forget,
That I wanted him to stay. 
That I tried and tried to ease his pain,
But it was only YOU who knew the way.

I know you have a choir of angels,
Who play music while they fly.
And if they need a drummer boy-
Well, my Tripp, he's their guy!

You've probably seen it for yourself,
That he's one brave kid, indeed.
But he'll be scared if You have to leave,
So stay with him, I plead. 

If he has to go to Heaven first,
I'll make one promise back to You- 
I'll miss him every second he's gone, 
And spend the rest of my life trying to get there, too.

I hope that's not too much to ask,
And I trust You'll do your best. 
To fill my spot, just temporary, 
And answer my requests.

Thank in advance, Dear God.
Because I know You're a busy man. 
I trust in You and in Your Will
And know You have a plan."

Words just simply can't express
To my only son who just turned two-
How very much my heart will ache
If that rocking chair is without you.

So dear sweet angel baby of mine, 
If we ever have to say goodbye...
I'll rock you in my heart forever, 
Until we meet again in the sky. 

Written by Mommy

Så otroligt känsloladdat och vackert... Vilken otrolig människa hon är Courtney, en inspirationskälla i mina och i många andras ögon...

Ha en skön kväll...

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